1. System Of A Down - "Cigaro"
This song touches on the very popular analogy of comparing dick sizes to see who is the bigger man. Usually the "dick sizes" are not explicitly measured but measured in other ways like fighting, drinking, owning bigger trucks, y'know compensation and such. This song comes off the first of two System Of A Down records released in 2005 Mesmerize, the second album, named Hypnotize, was released later that year. Here SOAD is using the dick-measuring analogy to compare acts of war by various world leaders.
2. Mickey Avalon - "My Dick"
Mickey Avalon is an American rapper and glam rocker from Hollywood, California and most of his songs are about excess with drugs and women. "My Dick" is a simple and funny diss track about a couple of guys riffin' on each other's wangs. It features rappers Dirty Nasty and Andre Legacy.
3. Buck 65 - "The Centaur"
Richard Tefry is a Canadian hip-hop artist, and songwriter from Nova Scotia who goes by the stage name Buck 65. He's also been known as Uncle Climax, Johnny Rockwell and Stinkin' Rich. Most of his songs have a bit of a satirical side to them...here he compares himself to the mythical Centaur, basically being a horse form the waist down.
4. Tool - "Hooker With A Penis"
Ok this one isn't really about dicks, but a song comparing the manipulative and complicated nature of the music industry to getting something you didn't pay for by finding out your hooker for a night has a penis. I love Tool.
5. Next - "Too Close"
"I wonder if she can tell i'm hard right now?" Those are the opening lines of Next's 1997 hit song "Too Close". Yes this song was a hit, actually most of these songs became popular in one way or another. This one hit #1 on Billboard's Hot 100. Just goes to show that despite some people's warnings, the world doesn't go to shit if a song about a certain subject makes it to the children's ears.
This song is about dancing too close to a girl and having her feel your erection. Yes.
6. Chuck Berry - "My Ding-a-Ling"
Chuck Berry was known for righting many rock classics, he was also known for his sense of humour and admitted that he dreamt of being a comedian when he was younger. "My Ding-a-Ling" is often looked off as a novelty track about a young boy first discovering his hangdown, but Chuck was proud of it. It was his only #1 hit after all.
7. The Pixies - "Gigantic"
Though they never openly admitted it, it is widely accepted that Kim Deal wrote this song about a relationship with a black man. You can imagine what she was describing as "gigantic". A few years ago in the advertising fail of the year, Apple decided to use this song in a commercial about their new iPhone or something...sadly the ad featured multiple people singing and playing along to this song, including young children. The ad mysteriously was yanked from TV shortly after.
8. 20 Fingers - "Short Dick Man" feat. Gillette
American Electropop duo 20 Fingers are not known for much else beyond the 1994 single "Short Dick Man" a song that was more commonly censored as "Short Short Man" and played on radio stations and in clubs around the world. The song featured Sandra Gillette, aka Gillette a fellow rapper and dancer who's only other hit was "Mr. Personality". She had a knack for insulting men in her life I suppose.
9. Naughty By Nature - "O.P.P"
One of the all time classic hip-hop tracks of our generation. Many people wonder the second P stands for in this one...well if you listen to the lyrics it stands for property. If you really listen and read between the lines, you'll realize it actually has a triple meaning...
10. King Missile - "Detachable Penis"
Turns out I can't spell Missile right...took me three tries to get that stupid red wavy line out from underneath the word. King Missile is the brain child of John S Hall who got his start doing open mic poetry. He would eventually add musicians to his readings and his band was born. "Detachable Penis" released in 1992, is probably his best known work
Thanks dicks!!!
JZ
twitter - @jonnyzhivago
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